unite and conquer

Are You Ready?

For my money, this is one of the most beautiful stretches of road anywhere in the world.  

The Second Annual Chris Shultz Run/Walk is fast approaching!  If you haven't registered yet, you can still do so by going to the web site and downloading a form from the registration page.  

It's going to be a blast, and since we're raising money again for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, we'll also be raising money for a great cause.  No kid should ever have to go one day without his mother.  Derek and Drew have already had way too many, and unfortunately that will never change.  But we can make a difference in another family's life before it's too late for them.  And banding together in the place she loved as a community is the best testimony to her life and to the ideals we hold of supporting each other, enjoying our beautiful town and having fun.

So let's do it.  Use this as a reminder to get your registration in if you haven't already, and to remind someone else to do so if you have!

The organizers are working on making this event even better than last year, so don't miss it!

The dust to dust metaphor here is kinda perfect.  And especially since there are lots of people in this place who still really love her.

 

Announcing the Second Annual Chris Shultz Memorial Run/Walk

Once again, her community is rallying around her to celebrate the life and legacy of our friend and family member.  Last year's event was an absolute victory for leukemia research and hosted everyone from the most competitive athletes to the stroller set.  

Join us as we gather to remember and support a great cause with lots of fun!

Millville Elementary School, Millville, PA, Sunday, July 3^rd , registration at 6PM

Finish off the holiday by celebrating the life of Chris Shultz and raising money to battle leukemia!  There are lots of ways to participate – hit the course with a spirit of fun competition and run it with a clocked result, take it easy, walk it and enjoy the scenery, cheer from the sidelines or hang out at the pool for the awards ceremony!  No matter which option you choose, bring your bathing suit to jump in the pool and cool down!

Here's what to do:

1. Complete a registration form.  Mail registration form and fee of $15 to: “Friends of Chris Shultz” c/o Dave and Kay Lou Case, P.O. Box 160, Millville, PA, 17846).  If your payment and registration are received by June 18^th, you’ll get a t-shirt from the event.  Additional t-shirts may be available on a limited basis at the event.  Race day registration fee is $20.

      2. Arrive at registration at 6PM.  Please wear appropriate attire.  We’ll be holding the event rain or shine.  

Click here for a downloadable registration form.

 

A Dubious Anniversary

You remembered.  This blog didn't show it, but lots of us did.  It's still as unspeakably sad as it was a year ago.  The material remains of her earthly existence are frozen under the roots of a tree next to a beautiful, lazy - and currently icy - river.  Our memories run slow as well. 

How a year ago, devoted friends and family gathered in a dark midwinter night at her church to build a fort of prayer to sustain her.  How her family gathered around her to share their last moments together, knowing she was leaving and having no idea how much it would hurt when she was gone, and the cleft it would leave in their hearts, minds, bodies, spirits.  

And yet much has happened.  Though it seemed nothing much could have mattered at all to those closest to her, time - like it does - has rendered milestones, accomplishments, a year bearing memories of its own.  Even if many of them are "The First Time Since Mom/Chris Left Us" that such a thing had happened. 

There was her birthday, the boys' and Mark's birthdays, her diagnosis, her 20th anniversary, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve and yesterday.  She was trying to get to the transplant.  Trying to stay alive for her boys.  Nobody ever fought harder through a more rotten disease.  

They say that when certain people get a horrible diagnosis, that they respond by shaking off all the small stuff that bogs down everyday life.  The flotsam that takes up 40% of our consciousness - or more! - with petty indecencies, slights and perceived inequities of our lives.  The things to do with lawns, the state of our mufflers, teeth, salaries, siblings, invitations and so on.  The tone of her voice when she told me that!  The length of time it now takes to drive from here to there.  Why my hair won't behave any longer.  Who got the higher score on -

You get the picture.

Before knowing she had acute myelogenous leukemia, she got caught up that stuff just as much as the rest of us did.  But somehow, it all kind of fell away when she was diagnosed that day in early July.  And after that, she was almost like a peaceful sage amongst us a lot of the time.  Gentle, loving and focused on the bigger picture pretty much.  I'd like to think that her state of being during that period was a big gift she left to all of us.  If you knew her then, you knew the best of her.  She was tired, but not beaten.  Scared, but not lost.  Daunted, but always focused on what truly mattered.  Her beautiful smile and gorgeous spirit were never moreso than during those months.  

I'd like to think that we can all agree that the passing of this lovely light from us should at a minimum serve to remind us that life is short.

So . . . be nice. 

Hug them tight.

Love your family with all your might.

Keep your faith more with each test.

Always believe that you are blessed.

The First One

Yesterday, this community showed once again what it's made of.  Over 400 people registered for the First Annual Chris Shultz Run/Walk for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I'm awed and humbled by the turnout of help and inspiring participants (including some pretty fantastic runners - wow).  I'll try to update with some more specific times and other information when I have it, but for now, here are some photos of the setup and first registrants.  More to come, I'm sure.  Please feel free to send along more and we'll post as many as we can.

 

Thank you for all of your support.  It made this event so fun and worthwhile.  It would not have been possible without the considerable help of so many, who stepped in without fanfare to lay the many planks it took to pull this off.  In particular, this event came together due to the efforts of the Sick family, who created the course and coordinated all of the logistics including registration numbers and timing for all of the hundreds of (did I mention 400?) participants, Chris's family, including her parents, Dave and Kay Lou, who organized all of the registrations and donations and Jennifer Rine, who served as an informal chair of the event, coordinating people, things and ideas with more calm than I could ever muster.  Hats off, everyone.  Chris would amazed, and proud, and maybe a little embarrassed, but most of all, I think she'd be deeply touched and gratified to see how her community turned its suffering for her into hope for others. 

May 31, 2010

I'm really happy/sad to announce the First Annual Chris Shultz Run/Walk, to occur at 7PM on July 4th, 2010.  It'll be about one year to the day that she was diagnosed.  We'll be raising money for The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, an organization that works to further research in this area.  If more research and studies had been done before she was diagnosed, Chris might be here with us today. 

This is a chance to remember our friend, teacher, relative and loved one while we contribute to eliminating the need for any child whose mom has Chris's diagnosis not to wonder whether she's going to be there tomorrow. 

In line with the happy/sad thing, it will also be a really good time.

There are lots of ways to participate – you can hit the course with a spirit of fun competition and run it with a clocked result, take it easy, walk it and enjoy the scenery, cheer from the sidelines or hang out at the pool for the awards ceremony.  No matter which option you choose, bring your bathing suit to jump in the pool and cool down. Here's some additional information on how to participate:

UPDATED, 6-2-10:

1.     Complete a registration form either online (click HERE) or download and print out a paper registration form which is available at the bottom of that same page and pay the registration fee, if applicable (also available with online registration or by check with a paper registration form to: Friends of Chris Shultz c/o Dave and Kay Lou Case, P.O. Box 160, Millville, PA, 17846).  If your payment and registration are received by June 18th, you’ll get a t-shirt from the event.  Additional t-shirts will be available on a limited basis at the event.

2.     Arrive at registration at the Millville Elementary School parking lot at 6PM and wear appropriate attire for your level of participation.   We’ll be holding the event rain or shine.   Parking is available at the Millard Ludwig Soccer Stadium.

We can't bring Chris back, but we can work to keep the joy of her spirit with us by doing good in her name, and having a good time doing it.  So let's do it!

Monday, April 19, 2010

I called Mark on Saturday morning and left a message on their home machine.  He called back around 11:30 or so.  He was in the car with the boys on the way to the river.  They were on their way to spread Chris's ashes and bury her urn beneath a young maple, where in time it will be surrounded and protected by the growing roots. 

We know that her spirit has already been liberated, but this act of releasing the dust that represents her earthbound existence is another reminder.  Everybody who knew her for one day or longer would have heard something about The River:  that magical section of the Susquehanna where generations of extended family and friends have gathered in the warmer days of the year to enjoy life. 

For me, this is another chance to remember how much those who are still here still love her, and to acknowledge that we must now somehow begin the impossible task of learning how to live without her, which will mean letting her go.  Our hearts must at once be capable of growing powerful roots to hold her memory close for the years to come and sustaining the faith and courage needed to acknowledge that she is with the winds.

Please keep her family in your prayers.  These are the days when they may be needing us most of all.  If you have time to call or send a note to let them know they are in your thoughts, I know they would appreciate it so much.  Thank you for your ongoing support.  It means so much, and would have meant the world to Chris.

I ran across this quote today and it took my breath away a little bit:

"Memory is the sense of loss, and loss pulls us after it. God Himself was pulled after us into the vortex we made when we fell, or so the story goes. And while He was on earth He mended families. He gave Lazarus back to his mother, and to the centurion he gave his daughter again. He even restored the severed ear of the soldier who came to arrest him -- a fact that allows us to hope the resurrection will reflect a considerable attention to detail. Yet this was no more than tinkering.

Being man He felt the pull of death, and being God He must have wondered more than we do what it would be like. He is known to have walked upon water, but He was not born to drown.

And when He did die it was sad -- such a young man, so full of promise, and His mother wept and His friends could not believe the loss, and the story spread everywhere and the mourning would not be comforted, until He was so sharply lacked and so powerfully remembered that his friends felt Him beside them as they walked along the road, and saw someone cooking fish on the shore and knew it to be Him, and sat down to supper with Him, all wounded as He was.

There is so little to remember of anyone -- an anecdote, a conversation at table. But every memory is turned over and over again, every word, however chance, written in the heart in the hope that memory will fulfill itself, and become flesh, and that the wanderers will find a way home, and the perished, whose lack we always feel, will step through the door finally and stroke our hair with dreaming, habitual fondness, not having meant to keep us waiting long,"

- Marilynne Robinson, Housekeeping.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010: Happy Birthday

It would have been Chris's 41st birthday today.  Happy Birthday, Chris.  This is one of my favorite pictures of her, sent to her parents by her aunt, I think.  Very her.

This is the first of her birthdays, and of a whole host of holidays and special occasions that the family will have to go through without their precious mom, wife, daughter, sister, relative.  This day has to have been incredibly difficult, but the prayers and remembrances from her community of caring people will undoubtedly help.  Nothing can take their pain away, but we can remind them that she, and they, are not forgotten.  If you have the time and the inclination, please feel free to dash off a quick email or make a call to let them know you care. 

We will have some information soon about a summer walk/run in Chris's memory.  Please check back for details.

March 8, 2010: The End

Wow, my heart is pounding.  Just one more response I hadn't counted on.  This is the last post of this chapter of this blog.  It began on July 6, 2009, in the days after Chris was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia as a way to update the community on her progress fighting her disease.  We had no way of knowing where this journey would end.  Along the way, many family and friends, both new and old, wrote, read and commented here.  It stands as a tribute to the awesome power of caring community and Chris's heart.  While it will stay online indefinitely, and we will continue to remember her here, it will in the future focus more on communicating her legacy, in the form of updates and photos of the boys and news about fundraisers and other awareness projects about leukemia.  But for this last one of this chapter, I'm going to beg your indulgence.  This one is for Chris, and me, really. 

And I'm finding it so hard to write.  I've been avoiding it for weeks.  Naturally.  Because this means it's really over.  There is no more to do here for her.  I've had the luxury of putting off this final chord in a way that the family and friends that formed Chris's every day have not.  I live out of town; I have for years been separated from Chris and her family, no longer part of their every days.  But for the first 18 years of my life, I was with Chris almost six days of every week.  When I look at pictures of her as a young girl I'm reminded of when we were closest.  I'm mourning in Kodachrome, it seems.

Sometimes when we experience someone's death, the hit is instant, clear and palpable.  We know exactly what they meant to us and we are thrown quite directly into the wretched depth of mourning.  But sometimes when you lose someone, it takes a little while to work out what the loss of them means.  Maybe it's just me, but this is the territory I've been covering over these last weeks.  It's been unexpectedly messy and confusing to mourn her.  Maybe I'm just messy.  I can't imagine Chris going through it like this.  I feel like she'd be so much more, I don't know, organized about it.  I'm not proud to say that I've been mean to my kids and husband and prone to crying at seriously inopportune times (grocery store checkout; not pretty) as well as prone to denial. 

Part of my confusion is because I wasn't part of Chris's every day life as an adult.  Why am I so knocked down?  I hadn't counted on this.  We'd grown into such different lives; we didn't see each other every day.  As we grew older, people in our class began to rediscover each other, which I'm grateful for.  But that wouldn't explain why in these last weeks and months I've been so . . . plowed under.  Devastated.  Why is my concept of what my own life is about so shaken and redirected? 

What did Chris mean to me? 

I've been relentlessly returned to this memory of a dress rehearsal for one of our elementary school plays.  We were little girls then.  I, for one, could not have been more ridiculously excited about the whole affair.  Costumes, scenery, lines . . . think of your average seven year-old Halloween fairy enthusiasm and multiply by 12.  As directed, we lined up outside the cafeteria waiting to enter the "backstage."  I rushed up at the last minute, all flustered.  Chris was already there, waiting, cool as a cuke.  I was fully decked in some absurd costume, certainly, but most importantly, wearing gobs of my Mom's old makeup.  Chris wasn't wearing any makeup at all.  My juvenile brain did not compute my friend foregoing this golden opportunity to cake her face like a miniature jezebel.

"Chris, aren't you wearing any makeup?" I asked, breathless, incredulous!  Her answer is hard-coded into my memory.

As she flicked away an imaginary something from her thumb, she said, "not a speck."  Not a speck.  Not a speck of artifice.  Not even a teeny, tiny microscopic bit of inauthenticity.  And it is the miracle of this process of writing that - literally, as I type these words - it is dawning on me that this memory buzzes round my mind because it precisely exemplifies how Chris often presented the perfect counterpoint to my view of the world. 

To wit:  makeup is great fun< . . . >makeup is silly. 

Also:  I still haven't found what I'm searching for< . . . >I know what I want out of life. 

And:  life is for taking risks< . . . >life is about being grounded and secure. 

Etc. 

I've said it here before:  Chris knew who she was.  She got the memo on what her life was about really early on and didn't waste a minute of her precious time on Earth.  And we have lived different lives.  Nonetheless, she is woven into me.  I present us as a study in contrasts.  But she is a part of me, in a way that only happens when you're confined to the same tiny town in the era before cheap travel, cell phones, internet and cable television.  Our gang had each other as influences most of all.  Certainly, it's part of why she stayed in the same small village where we were born to raise her own family.  It's why I go back more and more as I get older.  And why I feel like a part of me has been torn away.

I don't mean to idealize these bygone days.  Our little bubble was an aspect of the 70's and 80's and the small town where we spent our youth together.  But it is true of everyone we grew up with, in a way that it won't be for my own children:  I wear my childhood friends like a garment, close to my skin and so soft I rarely notice.  Chris is one of the softest threads of all.  She tells me: 

be proud of who you are,

hold close to your family no matter what, and

follow your dreams, whatever they may be.

Thank you, dear friend, for all you have done for me.  And for all you still do, every day.  I was so lucky to have known you. 

"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." -Proverbs 13:20.

 

________________________________

Please continue to hold Chris's family in your thoughts and prayers, especially over these next few months.  Chris's 41st birthday would have been March 16th.  Her 20th wedding anniversary would have been in August.  These days will undoubtedly be exceedingly difficult for the family, but every day is its own battle with the grief of unfathomable loss.  Please reach out to them in whatever ways you are able.  They are so grateful for everyone's continued support and companionship.

March 1, 2010

OUR CHRIS IS NO LONGER WITH US. VERY HARD TO ACCEPT.  BUT OUR MEMORIES WILL KEEP US GOING.  UNCLE GEORGE AND AUNT PHYLLIS AND GREG HAVE A LOT OF MEMORIES.

CAN REMEMBER WHEN SHE WAS BORN. A DARLING LITTLE GIRL WITH CURLY HAIR.  ON HER SECOND CHRISTMAS WE BOUGHT HER A LITTLE RED TRICYCLE. WE WOULD SPEND EVERY CHRISTMAS WITH HER FAMILY.  BEING TOGETHER MEANT A LOT TO CHRIS.

IT WAS UNDERSTANDABLE WHY SEE LOVED THE RIVER SO MUCH. SHE STARTED CAMPING AT 3 MONTHS OLD. SLEEPING IN HER NANA'S AND PAP'S LITTLE CAMPER (THAT NANA THOUGHT WAS THE HILTON). SHE LOVED IT.

FOUR YEARS LATER HER SISTER AND COUSIN GREG WERE BORN.   SUMMER WAS A GREAT TIME AT THE RIVER WHILE THEY LEARNED TO SWIM,FLOAT AND JUMP OF THE DOCK INTO THE ARMS OF THEIR PARENTS. THEN LATER SOME WATER SKIING.

WHEN THEY GOT OLDER AND MARK CAME INTO THE PICTURE, THE FOUR OF THEM WOULD SIT AT OUR PICNIC TABLE AND PLAY ALL KINDS OF GAMES.  CHRIS AND GREG LOVED GAMES.

I CAN REMEMBER ONE SUMMER - SHE MUST HAVE BEEN 11 OR 12 - WE TOOK HER WITH US TO DUTCH WONDERLAND AND THEN TO A PHILLIES GAME (YES SHE WAS A PHILLY FAN BACK THEN).  WE STAYED AT THE HOTEL BEHIND THE  STADIUM AND THEY HAD A GREAT TIME IN THE POOL.  THE PITTSBURG PIRATES WERE STAYING THERE ALSO.   WE REMEMBER SEEING WILLIE STARGELL RIDE INTO THE LOBBY ON HIS BICYCLE. PHIL GARNER AND KENT TEKULVE  WERE THERE TOO.   (I HAVE PICTURES OF THEM WITH CHRIS AND GREG.  SOME DAY I WILL FIND THEM.).

ONE THING THAT STICKS IN MY MIND WAS AFTER JENN CAME HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL. FOR CHRISTMAS WE BOUGHT THEM AN ATARI GAME FOR THE TV. CHRIS JUST SAT THERE LOOKING AT IT AND THINKING. FINALLY I SAID, "CHRIS WHAT IS WRONG?" AND SHE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID "THAT COST A LOT OF MONEY!!"  AT THAT TIME IT WAS, BUT THAT WAS WHAT WE WANTED TO BUY THEM. THEY LOVED IT.  LIKE THE IPODS TODAY!!

THIS I WILL NEVER FORGET. ONE DAY AFTER DEREK WAS BORN WE WERE AT DAVE AND KAY LOU'S AND SOMEONE WAS HOLDING DEREK AND AGAIN CHRIS WAS JUST LOOKING AND THINKING. OUT OF THE BLUE SHE SAID  "I CAN'T BELIEVE I COULD EVER LOVE SOMEONE THAT MUCH."  SHE LEARNED HOW PARENTS FEEL. IT IS TRULY A MIRACLE!!

WHEN CHRIS WAS SICK I TOLD HER SHE HAD TO GET BETTER CAUSE SHE HAD TO BE AT THE RIVER EVERY SATURDAY AROUND 2:00 HAVING LUNCH AT OUR PICNIC TABLE (USUALLY A SANDWICH OR HOAGIE).  THEN THE BOYS WERE READY TO SWIM.  THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A SEAT THERE WAITING FOR HER!!!  CHRIS WOULD BRING HER UNCLE GEORGE BROWNIES AND HE LOVED THEM.  CHRIS WAS A GREAT COOK.

ONE LAST THING.  WE HAD CHRISTMAS WITH THEM THIS YEAR AND WHEN SHE WAS SHOPPING ONE DAY SHE SAW SOMETHING AND SHE THOUGHT OF US.  IT WAS A  WOODEN SIGN THAT SAYS "A FISHERMAN LIVES HERE WITH THE BEST CATCH OF HIS LIFE." IT IS ON OUR BACK DOOR AND WHEN SUMMER COMES IT WILL BE ON THE CAMPER.  MARK SAID HE WANTED TO SEE IT THERE.  SHE WAS ALWAYS SO THOUGHTFUL.  WE WILL DEARLY MISS HER AND THE RIVER WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

WE ENJOY WATCHING THE BOYS PLAY SPORTS AND WILL ATTEND THEM TILL WE GET TOO OLD TO TRAVEL!

I TOLD THE BOYS TO NEVER FORGET THEY HAVE AN AUNT PHYLLIS AND UNCLE GEORGE AND WE WILL DO WHAT WE CAN!

TIME WILL SOFTEN THE EDGES AND EASE YOUR BURDEN!

LOVE TO ALL-MARK, DEREK, DREW, DAVE, KAY LOU, JENN, CHAD, MADE' AND CAITLYN

LOVE        AUNT PHYLLIS AND UNCLE GEORGE     FEBRUARY 16, 2010